Where I've Been — The Mod Woman

Sep 1

Sep 1 Where I've Been

Hello strangers! It’s me. The girl that ghosted you a month ago. This wasn’t on purpose. The thing about creating content and blogging is that if you take too much time away it can be hard to get back on the horse. You can literally fall out of the habit. Which is what happened. Kind of. There is more to the story than that. And that is what I want to talk about.

The past year and a half has been true time of reflection for me. In July of last year I lost my job of 13 years. I was never one who saw my job as part of my identity, but losing something that was a part of my life for the majority of my adult years through me for a loop. I truly didn’t want I wanted to do going forward. But I knew that I didn’t want to go back to the dame set up as before. I wanted a change. I just didn’t know what that change would look like. I considered going back to school. But the prospect of acquiring a student loan while not actually knowing what I wanted didn’t seem like the most wise option. On top of all of that we were (and still are) in the midst of a pandemic. I felt like I was biding time and playing the waiting game. Which allowed me space to experiment, think, worry, be depressed, be motivated, NOT be motivated, etc. I went the full spectrum of emotions last year - and part of this year. I started off feeling super hopeful (as you saw in regards to my post about being laid off). And I felt that way for a good chunk of time. And then I slowly became fearful and unsure. Those feelings stayed for awhile.

So how am I feeling now? Well…better. But still a little frightened. Why? Because I have made a decision and choices in the last two months that is probably the scariest choice I’ve ever made. I’m king a huge career shift. Which I will talk about more sometime in the future. And I’ve started working on a project that I have always wanted to do but had always been too scared. For me this time has really been a lesson in bravery. Being scared; and doing things anyway. And part of that bravery comes from not liking theater options available to me and daring to want more or myself.

As far as this site and our little community goes, it was never my intention to ghost and take such a long break. I think I needed that time to truly think about my future and what I want. I’m taking big leaps. Bigger leaps than I thought I would. And it’s scary as hell. But also SO exciting and I know that I will have to rise to the challenge. I know I can do it and that it will require the strengthening of muscles I haven’t used in awhile and that I didn’t know I even possessed.

And this site is still very much a part of that story. I can’t wait to share with you all what I’ve been working on. It’s a long time dream and I’m excited to finally be doing it!

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