Dealing With the Pandemic Blues
Hi all. It’s been 84 years since my last post. Not really. More like about two weeks. But that’s a long time for me. I would love to say that I’ve been doing something incredibly productive or amazing but…nope. Where I have been is in a really weird headspace that I couldn’t quite describe. It’s not depression. Or anxiety. It feels more like a giant case of the “mehs”. I have a giant list of things that I desire to do - and am even excited to do. But have zero motivation or energy to actually complete them. A friend of mine recently posted on Instagram about hitting a “Covid wall” and feeling tired, sluggish, unable to focus or complete tasks. And all I could think was “It me!”
Since then I have seen others express similar sentiments and it got me thinking about this strange time we find ourselves in. I personally have not hated being stuck inside for the majority of the year. I’m a homebody by nature. But the lack of structure has give way to lack of motivation. It’s kind of like the idea that when you’re in motion it is easier to STAY in motion. And once you stop it’s hard to start again.
I’m not writing this post to offer any advice because frankly I have none. But I wanted to acknowledge the collective “funk” many of us find ourselves in. So far, 2021 feels very much like recovering from a hangover. A year long hangover from a trauma that isn’t quite over yet. I often wonder what this past year has done to our collective psyches and how we relate not only to others but to ourselves. I don’t feel anymore enlightened about myself from this past year to be quite honest. And maybe that’s simply because I am still in the thick of it and that is only something that comes with time and distance. I’ve been behaving quite sloth like - moving slowly and, thinking slowly. Maybe that is the lesson for me. Me, the perpetual rusher has slowed down. And to be okay with that. Which I must admit - I haven’t been. I’ve felt lazy and useless and like my brain has turned to mush. But this is where I’m at right now and I wanted to be honest and open about that. And if you are feeling the same to let you know that you are not alone.
